Part II : A Burnt Down Palace

It was May 23, 2009. I was standing alone in my wedding dress at the Bryant Park Hotel. The sun was shining through the window from behind me, cascading on the mirror. Looking back at me was a mirage of a gorgeous bride on her wedding day in New York City. But when I stared into my own eyes, I knew it wasn’t right. I couldn’t articulate it. I didn’t know how. I did not have the skills to express my needs. I just knew in the deepest fibers of my being, that getting married then, to that man, was a colossal error in judgement.

I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to look like a failure & admit I was not happy with my decision, that I made a bad choice. I didn’t want to disappoint my family & friends. I was scared. I didn’t have the tools then; the ability to speak up, to communicate my feelings, to support MYSELF when I needed ME most.

I spent the next 9 years buried under the ashes of a burnt down palace. My marriage was an explosive time bomb for many reasons, but I can only be accountable for my Self. I allowed circumstances in my relationship for the same reasons I got married on that stunning New York day, I did not know how to use my voice. I was not equipped to stand in my power, I was not yet the embodiment of fearlessness.

Things have changed quite a bit since then, but it took time to become this woman. The fiery warrior who slays any obstacle in her path. The intelligent and outspokenly brave woman who is not afraid to share her truth. The strong and impenetrable fighter who defends her freedom. I stepped right into the fire and stared my fears in the eye. I faced harsh realities about myself. I pulled this young girl out of the ashes to bring this woman to life. I gave her a voice. I pushed her boundaries. I freed her from limiting beliefs about herself.

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